Who are youI don't have a relationship with my father. He's not a nasty man, he's just made bad decisions in life, one of them being he doesn't want me in his life and it's only recently I've realised I don't need or want him in mine.
Some people won't understand how I can feel this way, they can't imagine life without their father involved in it.
I've cried so many tear over a man that has given me so little. Spending a lot of time thinking of how to catch his attention and neglecting the attention I had from people that really mattered. I've had a number of chats with my mother asking advice, she always said I had to do what I felt was right and what would make me happy.
When I thought of writing to my father something always stopped me, I don't know if I just forgot and it didn't seem important or because I didn't want the hassle or maybe it was the thought of being hurt so badly again.
I was looking online recently and it was something that someone had written that made everything fall into place. I realised I wasn't getting upset about my father, he's means nothing to me. I don't know who he is and he knows nothing about me! He doesn't know my favourite colour, what I like to wear or what makes me laugh the most. One man that does is my step father. He was the reason I was getting upset, if I was to see my real father I felt like I would be replacing the one I already had, the one that knows me best, the one that knows when I need a cuddle and knows what makes me smile.
My step father entered my life at 6 years old and has never turned his back, has helped me through some extremely hard times. He's seen me fall apart, he stood by me and help put everything back together, then watched me blossom and become the women I am today.
A man that entered my life at a young age accepted me when my father throw me away, so why now should I give my father back what he never wanted in his life 12 years ago. He made a bad decision and unfortunately for him, "Sorry", "I miss you" or "I think of you all the time" just won't cut it. He's not welcome here. There's so much more to life and more important things I have to spend time thinking about ..
Family is so much more than blood. Just because you're blood related, doesn't mean you have to like them or want them to surround you. We choose who we want to be around and they become our family.