Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety

Writing to you is like writing a beautiful love letter, only the opposite! It's hard to find the exact words to express how you make me feel.
I've already tried writing this letter 6 times but nothing I write seems to portray my emotions well enough.

You seem to love me, but the feeling isn't mutual! In fact I despise you. You try to control my life, stop me from living and having fun. When I go out, I feel you there. I know you're waiting for a moment when i'm not concerntrating to consume me, to make me feel that dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach. My belly churning and the feeling of panic serging through my body, I hear my heart beat thudding through my ears and my blood pumping through veins hitting the tips of my fingers. You make me feel like I can't breath, like a golf ball is wedged in my throat.

Anything I do, I have already analysed what might happen and made a list of questions that will never be answered and worry about things that are so unlikely to happen.

You make it hard to explain to friends and family how I'm feeling, sometimes I myself am confused. I can feel extremely lost and lonely because no one can relate to me, I sometimes distance myself from people and shut the ones closest to me out.
I refuse to let you become me, I will not let you take over my mind and my feelings. Sometimes for a short time you will succeed but I will always regain control. One day I will have learnt to control you so that you don't make me feel the way I do on a daily basis. 


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