Thursday, 9 July 2015

Princess Dotty - 5 weeks

Our Little Piglet 

There's not been a day gone by that I haven't been proud of you! In the first week it was every burp; all of them would make me smile and feel so happy, I'm sure when you get to 18 sitting at the dinner table burping I won't be so impressed. Now at 5 weeks old and you have already learnt to smile and chatter away to yourself, it melts my heart every time you do it. 

The first 3 days with you was difficult for me. When you talk to people about child birth, a lot of mothers mention about the burst of love they feel when their tiny bundle of joy is born and gets placed onto their chest. Unfortunately for some, including me don't feel it. I don't think it helped that I hadn't slept in over 33 hours. When Nanna and Grandpa visited the hospital I was happy to let them hold you for ages, in my mind I knew I would have you for the rest of the night but to Nanna this was a warning sign. 

Over the next couple of days I made sure I looked after you, fed you, changed you, cleaned you and tried to show you love, whilst trying to catch up on sleep. I had Daddy looking after me, making me breakfast, lunch and dinner and he would also do all the house work. I wanted to do the house work but Daddy wouldn't let me do anything. The first couple of weeks are such a blur now, everything seems to merge into one day. I can't remember not feeling love for you or what I felt like when I think back but I can remember the day I fell in love with you! 

It was on day 3 that we had a family cuddle on the bed, I looked and you and Daddy having a cuddle and I couldn't help but cry. I had an overwhelming urge to cuddle you and have you close, to look at your tiny hands, and just sit and watch you sleep, you was perfect (and still are). I then realised this was the rush of love people always speak about. I sat with you alone on my chest for 2 hours crying, I couldn't believe for the last 3 days I hadn't felt this way about you, that made me cry even more thinking what I had missed. I guess I felt guilty and sad, those first few days of your life and I hadn't shown you the love you deserved. 
During the next couple of days I was very honest with Daddy and Nanna, I told them both how I had been feeling. Nanna had already been worrying and for the next week asked me how I felt about you. After talking it out it made me realise that I couldn't continue thinking about those 3 days, all I could do is make sure I cherish every moment with you now. 
Oh and that rush (of love) never stops rushing, every time I look at you now, I can't help but smile and just want to pick you up and cuddle you in close. Every time I look at you and watch you smile at me whilst I fall more and more in love. 

I am sorry that I didn't feel that love for you straight away, I did know I loved you but just couldn't feel it. But now I'm completely in love with you. You are my world, I didn't think it was possible to be happier with my life but I am. Every new thing you do,every time you cry and every time you look in my eyes and smile, when you chatter away to yourself. It's all worth getting up everyday for. 

My beautiful Princess

I love you to the moon and back

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