Thursday, 23 July 2015

Relationships are hard..

.. But having a baby is harder

We all know relationships are hard, there's always arguments and tough times. One of you might storm out the house in a huff. The majority of the time the arguments are pointless and other times they might need more than just a cuddle to say sorry (flowers are always nice, unless I'm the one in the wrong). 
Or you might have issues where you need the other to support you. It could be a bad day at work and you need to talk about it, a family issue and you need that shoulder to cry on, or issues with yourself that can get you so low you need someone to stand by you 100% of the way.
All these things have a massive strain on relationships and can break you are make you. When it makes you, you know each other extremely well. You know what makes each other tick, what the right buttons to push are (and the wrong ones), you know how to make that person feel good about themselves and know what to say and when to say nothing and listen.

When it's just two of you, you are each others worlds. Everything you do is either for yourself or them. When you decide to bring a new little life into the world, the whole dynamics of your relationship changes. It isn't all about you anymore, it's about the baby. Everything you do is for that little one, you go to bed late, wake up in the night and get up early to feed and settle them. Through out the day whilst attempting to have a shower, feed yourself or trying to pick up the mess you've created, you are looking after you baby and when they need you, nothing else matters (the first 3 days of Princess Dotty being here, I didn't brush my hair, brush my teeth or shower... gross, I know!!). What starts happening is, you forget there's 3 to this family (when you're a first time mummy and daddy that is). 
On top of trying to juggle life at home, you still have to work at your relationship but its often forgotten. Up until 2 days ago, my partner and I had forgotten each other. We forgot that we needed to work as a team, forgot to have a laugh, forgot to have a cuddle just us two, forgot to talk to each other about our feelings and how our days had been. Tension between us grow, it grew enough for me to walk out for the night. It was an extremely hard and painful decision but both my partner and I agreed it was the best thing I could of done. 
It allowed us both time to think, time away to miss each other, time to realise how much we wanted each other. It reminded us, each other matter and that we needed to make time for each other and help each other out. 

There's many things my partner had forgotten or not realised I needed, but he isn't the only one at fault. I spend everyday with my daughter but he doesn't get that, he has to wake up in the morning whilst she sleeping, kisses her on her head and leaves for work. Spends 15 hours out the house, only to return to her sleeping. Sometimes he gets in but it's not long till she's drifting off to sleep again or crying for food. Although he does get a little to spend with her and show her as much love as he can in that small time. It still must be hard on him. I can see how much he loves our daughter and would love more time with her, but at the end of a long days work and another one to wake up to he's shattered. Yet he still manages to cook, clean and put some washing on when I haven't managed to during the day. I appreciate everything he does (just as he does me) but I'd forgotten to tell him. 
Being parents isn't easy and we realise we need to support each other because we are both going to have hard days, but we remember that everything that gets us down not only do we have each other for support and a cuddle, we have a beautiful baby girl to make us smile.

To my Partner and my Princess Dotty,
I love you both very much!

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