My First Bath

So for the past 3months it's been impossible to have any me time. If I wasn't feeding Princess then she would be demanding attention and rightfully so, if I was a baby and all I have known is being curled up inside and warm hearing my mother voice and feeling her rock, I'd cry when it was gone (and I'm sure I did). As I walk out of rooms I watch her eyes stare at me, watching me be swallowed by the door frame and sucked into another room. Suddenly I'm gone and she doesn't understand. Most of my days are filled with cuddles and play time together on the play mat. I love every moment I spend with my Princess but I miss painting my nails, doing my hair and make up and relaxing in a bubble bath.

So for the first time my partner took our LO out. Now she's having bottles it makes  everything easier.

I thought it would be so easy to relax when Princess was out but I was wrong. I run myself a bubble bath and have a long soak which felt amazing, for a while I did drift off into my own little world. Once I got out I planned to paint my nails, instead I found myself pacing the flat with my mind going wild. I couldn't just sit, I seemed to be waiting for a cry that I knew wasn't going to happen.

After a while I did manage to settle myself, I put my hair up and make up on my face. For the first time in 3months when my partner has told I looked good, I actually felt it.

Clearly bottle feeding does have its perks, I just need to take the time to notice them. I guess another positive is, winters on its way and just the thought of getting my boob out in that weather makes me go cold. Oh and mixing powder and water will be so much quicker than lifting my 14 layers up.

Princess Dotty- The Next Chapter

Dear Aella,

You're going to be 15 weeks old this week, the time really does fly. The last week and a half had been really tough with you, you haven't been playing up, in fact you've been great just things got to much for me!
Then Tuesday came and all day you didn't stop crying, no amount of breast I gave you made you happy. As you lay crying in my arms, I couldn't hold it in any longer and tears began to roll down my cheek. That evening I gave you your first formula feed. For the next few days I was combination feeding you, breast all day except 1 bottle at lunch and another before bed. It seemed to be going well and a routine was appearing. You was a lot more content. For me it was so hard to watch you drink from a bottle, I was so used to you in my arms feeding from me.

On Saturday it was your Uncle Reggie's birthday, so we went up to Milton Keynes to surprise him. We went up with just one bottle, there was no need for more as you had me. 2pm came and you had your feed from the bottle. Uncle Reggie, Cousin Teddy, Nanna and me all shared feeding you. It did feel good to be able to drink my coffee and eat my muffin with both hands free.
It was about 5.30pm you began to moan for your next feed, so I laid you down in my arms like I always did before a feed, lifted my top and unclipped my bra. I tried to help you latch but you continued to cry, I thought maybe you wasn't hungry or you was too worked up to feed. I rocked you and calmed you and attempted again but you just screamed.

We arrived back at the hotel that Nanna was staying in and I didn't want to believe this was it for breastfeeding, I sat on the bed and gave latching you on one more go but you didn't want any of it. All I could do was cry, the last thing that we shared was over. Our quality time, over. Our special little connection, over. I know now none of this is true but it's how I felt went it was all happening. You didn't give me any warning signs it all just happened within a couple hours.

Sunday morning I managed to latch you on but I knew it was the last time you would feed from me. I also knew the only reason you latched was because my boob was very full, this was a goodbye to breastfeeding.
Over the last couple days it had been really hard. Most of the time I'm seeing the positives to bottle feeding but I do have moments I miss you close to me. It's difficult when I go to feed you and your searching for breast but I know you won't latch. Every part of me tells me to pull up my top for you but I know I would be teasing myself, I know its not what you want anymore. Feeding from the bottle is easier for you and you get a full feed

If I even tried to continue breastfeeding you it would of only been for selfish reasons. You don't want it anymore and you're moving onto something that fills you up better than what I could do. Maybe you realised as well that Mummy needs to look after herself too. It has been difficult to get all the calaries in for me and you. I will admit I was a little disappointed in myself that I couldn't reach 6months feeding you but I'm also proud of where I got considering I didn't want to whilst I was pregnant with you. I'm happy that I've giving you the best start to life.
I know there will be loads more things we will bond over and enjoy together. I guess this is the next chapter of your life.
I love you
To the moon and back

Love Mummy
      xXx

Princess Road Trip

Last week I went up to visit my in laws. It was lovely to see everyone, they all loved seeing Princess Dotty and couldn't believe how big she's gotten. Just because we live far apart doesn't mean they should miss out on our princess growing up! Before I gave birth I always said I would visit even if my partner couldn't get time off work, it's only fair for PD to see all her family.

I arrived on Wednesday afternoon. A journey that was meant to take 2.45mins  took 4 hours! I had a screaming, teething Princess in the back of the car meaning I had to stop twice. Other than that the journey was good.  My MIL made me a roll as soon as I got there, I hadn't eaten since breakfast and it wad already 1.50pm.
Considering I don't see my in laws all that often I feel so comfortable  in their company, I feel like I can be myself around them and not have to try to impress them.

It was  a nice chilled evening and I was hoping Princess would show off how well she sleeps at night, she didn't! Fortunately no one was woken by her and I could settle her reasonably quick. This went for the next night too, I can only guess it was because she was teething and it kept waking her up.

Thursday we went to the Museum of Lincolnshire Life. There was great little play area for children in the centre and a café so you can get lunch.  It's only a small place but makes a great day out especially when they had a little crafts room. You could make clay pots, sweet necklaces, marzipan lollies and decorate biscuits. Once Princess is older this will definitely be a place I would go again!

It was only a short stay, Friday came and it was time to go home but before I did I went to Waitrose Café  with my MIL to meet her friend. Another new person for Princess to be introduced to, she's a very popular little girl and she's only 3months old. I had a really yummy gluten free cookie whilst I was there which I kept the packaging to. I want to see if I can get more, I haven't tasted a cookie that moist and tasty for a long while.

It was a lovely 3 days away and even though I wasn't nervous about going up alone, I was nervous about the drive as it was the first long one in my own with Princess on board but  I feel even more confident to go up again now.

Breastfeeding

During my pregnancy I always felt uncomfortable thinking about breastfeeding, I know its natural and that's what our boobs are there for but the thought of my baby being latched onto my nipple didn't sound nice. Despite my thoughts I have always said I would give it a go, breastmilk is best for my child. I had to think, if I am capable of breastfeeding what right do I have denying my daughter that milk... its made for her after all. Some may believe I do have a right to decide but all I can say is, my daughters start to life is more important than my thoughts.

Breastfeeding is hard! For the first 3 weeks your nipples burn, so much so that you dread the next feed. You want to cry just before the next feed because you know it's going to hurt, yet the pain is worth it because your little baby is getting the best. Yes in some ways breasfeeding is easier yet its not at the same time, you don't have to make up bottles but you can't share the feed so it's extremely tiring being up all day and all night. I understand why a lot of mothers decide to use formula, it is extremely difficult.

Only recently have I actually enjoyed feeding. It no longer hurts and I can confidently get my daughter to latch on. Yet the thought of feeding in public still makes me a little anxious. I feel like people are staring at me or muttering something to their friends. The more I feed in public the easier it has become, the people I thought were staring and talking about me are actually finding it lovely what I do, I just need to remember to look up and smile and they would smile back at me.
Feeding my little girl has become a special moment, a time we get to spend together. I'm so happy that I gave it a go and pushed through the hard weeks. I feel for all those that would love to but are unable to because it is such a beautiful thing.

My Second Best Buy!

Busy busy!

I haven't written for a week or two. Time seems to of just flown past and I've hardly had time to sit down and enjoy a little me time recently. I think with Princess teething it's made it very difficult, understandably she's become very clingy, wanting to be held and rocked all day.
Last week she had a good week, she was beginning to get settled again then the drooling and the rosie cheeks were back.

When I can get her to play it's brilliant, she really enjoys herself but for very short periods of time. I've noticed she hates laying down front or back. She wants to be in on what's going on. So sitting her up on my knee it is. The sling I have is perfect for when she tired I can tie her in and have both hands free to get on with things. But when it's a warm day or if she wants to look around, it's not so great!
I then remember a little seat my cousin had when her children were young. On to eBay I went and found myself a mamas and papas baby snug! I have to say it's the second best thing I have decided to purchase. Not only does she enjoy sitting in it and able to see everything going on, I can get so much done. What would normally take me all day or sometimes 3 days, has taken me half hour.
I managed to
-put some clothes on (yep, I just got out the shower and Princess needed me.. so other than underwear, clothes were out the question)
-put the TV on (surprisingly this took 10minutes, I'm looking after the dog at my parents, everything is so different to home)
- run water for washing up
-pulled the washing in
-put the washing out
-put a new load of washing on
-made a coffee

Ok it sounds like a really small list but for me, that's the most jobs I've managed to do in half hour for 11 weeks!

I know everyone says you can do the cleaning another day, but if you go by that saying then when does another day come... It doesn't. It just mounts up, to the point  you become irritable because you can't me a sandwich without putting your hand it spilt ketchup and having 6 days worth of washing up around you.

I can now clean up in the morning and have the rest of the day stress free playing and having cuddles. Perfect! (I never thought I would get so exciting over being able to do house work!!)

Princess Dotty- teething

Lots of cuddles!

This week you've been teething! At first I thought you were poorly but doing a little research and asking some advice I realised my first thoughts were incorrect.
I can turn away for 2 minutes and your whole outfit is wet from your dribble. You can't  stop sucking or having a chomp on anything. You've been irritable and very unsettled but with lots of singing a rocking both daddy and I have managed to put a smile on your face. 
If I could take the pain away I would, I'd grow your teeth for you so you didn't have the pain of them pushing through. Unfortunately  that's not possible so ill be here to give you cuddles and kisses.

Love you to the moon and back
Mummy
   xXx

Princess Dotty- Immunisations

Today you got your 8 week jabs. I must say I felt really mean, whilst I walked you in I was talking to you and you was smiling away back at me! You had no clue what was about to happen (which is a good thing really!) 

We went to see the doctor first and he was really happy with you, no problems so far. 

Then we went into see the nurses. Your first was a medicine, which was extremely funny to watch you taste. Your lips turned out and your whole body shivered as if you just had something really sour (although this was meant to be sweet). Next was your jabs, one in each thigh, fortunately there was 2 nurse which meant they could do them at same time. I watched and you flinched and a ear piercing cry 5 seconds later. 

You was such a brave girl, as soon as it was over I gave you a big cuddle. The only thing that comforted you though  was your dummy, that soon sent you off to sleep. 

Since your injections you have had a few cries (which I expected) and slept extremely well. You have a fever which I've given you some medicine for (that was sweet too, you decided to spit that all out! Maybe your like daddy and dislike sweet things) 

You're fast asleep in your cot now and I can't sleep, I laying awake just wanting to give you a cuddle and make the horrible fever go away. You did so well today! 

Now your first lot of immunisations are done it means you can go swimming *yay* I'm so excited! You seem to like bath time to let's hope you like the swimming pool just as much, if not more. 

I love you

To the moon and back

Mummy

   xXx